Dealing with a narcissistic family member, spouse, or friend can be an exhausting experience. Narcissists can be entitled, unable to take criticism, and often have an intense need for admiration. Worse, they can make you feel like you’re the problem. If you’re struggling with identifying narcissists in your life or want to learn more, here are quotes from therapists on narcissism.
You Can Escape From A Narcissist.
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Quotes About How Narcissists Behave
1. Narcissists Drain You & Discard You
“Narcissists are like parasitic bugs that leech onto you and essentially suck the life out of you, then when you are no longer useful, they discard you.” – Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Read more about the narcissistic abuse cycle.
2. Narcissism Masks Low Self-Esteem
“Narcissists often appear to be very confident, but a key feature of narcissism is low self-esteem. Narcissists display arrogance and exaggerate their achievements to hide this low self-esteem.” – Emily Guarnotta, PsyD
“Despite their outward appearances, narcissists are extremely vulnerable. They can be somehow fragile as they experience profound alienation, emptiness, and a lack of meaning. Due to their extreme vulnerability, they crave power and must constantly control their environment, the people around them, and their emotions. Displays of vulnerable emotions, such as fear, shame, or sadness, are unacceptable indicators of weakness in both them and others. When they are most insecure, they are more malicious, and the consequences of their actions become unimportant.” – Michelle English, LCSW, Healthy Life Recovery
3. Warning Signs Are Hidden Behind a ‘Fantasy’ Phase
“In relationships, narcissists often begin by idealizing their partner. This is why many people wonder why they didn’t see the warning signs. They tend to attract individuals that are caretakers and have a deep sense of empathy for others. Once the ‘fantasy’ phase subsides, narcissists begin to devalue their partners. These manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviors often result in the partner feeling that they are at fault or are the ‘crazy one.’
Eventually, narcissists may move on or discard their partner while keeping them hanging on by a thread. Some partners in a relationship with a narcissist find it difficult to move on because they long for the romanticized ‘adoration phase.'” – Adria Hagg, LCSW
4. Displays of Self-Importance & Self-Promotion
“Narcissists often exhibit distinctive patterns of behavior that revolve around an excessive focus on themselves and a lack of empathy for others. They tend to display a grandiose sense of self-importance, believing they are uniquely special and deserving of admiration. They frequently seek constant attention and validation from others, often through self-promotion and boasting about their achievements, real or imagined. Narcissists can be manipulative, using charm to gain trust and exploit others for their own gain. They may have difficulty recognizing or acknowledging the emotions and needs of those around them, often dismissing or invalidating others’ feelings.” – Natalie Feinblatt, Psy.D.
5. Weak Self Image
“Narcissism is a cover for a very weak self-image. They often want attention in any form, good or bad. Although they love adoration, the worst pain for a narcissist is to not be noticed. They will say or do outrageous things to be noticed if they are feeling ignored.” – Dian Grier, LCSW
6. Childhood Experiences
“Narcissism is a reflexive turning towards the self because your childhood experiences taught you that others would not provide for your needs. A narcissist doesn’t trust that others will be there for them so they have to be there for themselves. This doesn’t leave much room for anyone else.” – Krista Jordan, PhD
7. Manipulative but Convincing
“Narcissism is a personality disorder that is characterized by having an excessive sense of self-importance, requires excessive admiration, has a very significant sense of entitlement, takes advantage of others to meet their own needs, and lacks empathy.
Someone who demonstrates narcissistic behaviors will operate in a way that is manipulative, but convincing. They are good at making themselves appear as the victim when issues with their behaviors are brought to their attention.” – Oddesty K Langham, MS, LPC, NCC
Read more about gaslighting.
8. They Won’t Show True Remorse for Their Actions
“They will do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if that means hurting someone else’s feelings. Narcissists tend to enjoy other people’s pain or hurt. A narcissist can demonstrate limited amounts of remorse if the benefit of doing so outweighs the cost. If they think admitting to a mistake or taking accountability for something that was their fault is small in comparison to the potential positive return, they’ll do it. Real remorse is not likely however though because that would require some emotional awareness that narcissists do not possess.” – Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D.
9. Make You Think You’re the Problem
“Narcissists:
- Think of themselves first and foremost.
- Only wants to win.
- Do not care about your feelings.
- Are always manipulating for their own personal gain and benefit.
- Make you think that you are the problem.
- Gaslighting is their stock and trade.”
– Dr. Brenda Wade, clinical psychologist
10. How Narcissists Act in Relationships
“In relationships, narcissists may struggle with intimacy, as they prioritize their own needs and desires above all else. They tend to exploit and manipulate others to maintain their self-image and may engage in unhealthy power dynamics. Criticism or challenges to their self-esteem can provoke intense defensiveness or rage. It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, with some individuals displaying more extreme narcissistic traits than others. Recognizing these behaviors can be crucial for setting boundaries and seeking support when dealing with narcissistic individuals.” – Natalie Feinblatt, Psy.D.
11. Narcissistic Family Roles
“Family dynamics involving one or more members diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), have specific identifiable traits and patterns. When someone in a family has NPD they tend to dominate over the other members in the family unit. The family member who has NPD tends to engage in the manipulation of family members. There are different roles in a family unit that include NPD – one role being the enabler who protects the Narcissist and enables the negative behaviors to continue.
Another role that may exist is the golden child who is deemed as the one who can do no wrong. If the Narcissist is a parent, they may place high standards on the golden child to represent the family in a positive way ie: good grades, successful career, etc. The last common role is the Narcissistic scapegoat who tends to get blamed for everything. The family tends to dump their problems on the scapegoat.” – Katelyn Moon, LMFTA
Are you dating or married to a narcissist?
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Dealing With a Narcissist Quotes
12. Don’t Waste Your Time
“I tell adults I work with never to waste their time arguing with a narcissist. You cannot win with a narcissist. Their perspective is always theirs.” – Deedee Cummings, M.Ed., LPCC, JD
Read more about how to deal with narcissists.
13. Develop Your Radar
“I teach clients how to use their “nardar” (a term coined by a client and meaning radar for narcissists) to spot them. It is based on how they feel when they are with certain people using these five questions:
- Do you regularly feel invisible and unheard when you’re around someone?
- Do you rarely get a word in edgewise and does someone always bring the conversation back to themselves?
- Do you feel someone is unnecessarily aggressively competitive with you?
- Do you feel surprised when someone feels slighted because you didn’t sufficiently recognize something they did (an achievement of theirs or a gesture on their part)?
- Do you regularly feel as if their needs are more important than yours?”
– Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW
14. Maintain Firm Boundaries
“Engaging with a narcissist can be challenging. It’s important to set firm boundaries and avoid getting entangled in power struggles or manipulative games. While it might be tempting to challenge or confront their behavior, this often leads to defensiveness. Instead, maintain a level-headed and assertive stance. Avoid excessive flattery but also sidestep confrontations that won’t yield productive outcomes. Remember, self-preservation and ensuring your own emotional well-being are paramount. If the relationship is causing significant distress, consider seeking guidance from a professional or support group.” – Jennifer Worley, LMFT, Clinical Director | First Light Recovery
15. Know the Types
“The first step to avoiding a narcissist in your life is spotting them! Understand that there are two distinct types of narcissistic personalities to be on the lookout for: grandiose and vulnerable.
A grandiose narcissist acts like they are better than everyone else and are more of the ‘know it all.’ They also tend to lack empathy for others. You might spot this person in an argument where they are so firm on their point of view that they refuse to listen to anyone else. Their arguments often end with no resolution and you can sense their desire to prove the other side wrong no matter what. One idea to navigate this situation is to try to sneak in a solution in a way that makes it seem like ‘their idea.’
On the other hand, the vulnerable narcissist is going to try to pull energy and empathy from you to feed their emotional neediness. For example, you have plans with this person and you have to change them last minute… they are going to take it personally and make it all about what you did to them. This is a self-esteem problem and the best thing you can do here is stick to the facts in hopes they will eventually see your perspective.
When a narcissist of either type passes into your life, the best defense is a good offense. Be aware of who they are and be proactively alert for tricks they play so you do not fall into any of their traps!” – Claire Karakey, LPC
16. Use the Grey Rock Method
“As a therapist, I often work with women who have been involved with narcissistic partners. One recommendation that I recommend in dealing with their former partners (if it’s necessary to coparent with them or be involved with them in some way) is to be a ‘grey rock.’ This means to be ‘as dull as possible’ and not engage with them. Keep responses to them as short and brief as possible. Give them as little detailed responses as possible. “Don’t feed the bear” as I often tell my clients. Be concise.” – Amanda L. Marks, LPC, RYT, CPCS, Resilient Counseling, LLC
17. Remember Your Own Worth
“It is crucial to recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Narcissists often project their insecurities onto others and may try to make you feel inferior. Remembering your self-worth can help protect yourself from their hurtful behavior. Seeking support from a therapist or a trusted friend or family member can also help deal with a narcissist. They can provide an outside perspective and offer emotional support during this challenging time.” – Ketan Parmar, MBBS, DPM, Psychiatrist, Psychologist and Sexologist at Clinicspots.com
18. Talk to a Therapist
“Engage in therapy to learn how to create boundaries and maintain them. Family therapy can also be extremely beneficial for all members to explore the impact that NPD has had on individuals in the system as well as the entire family system. Maintaining emotional first aid or emotional self-care is extremely important, too. A therapist can also help you get comfortable with saying no. While it may not be easy at first, it is important for each person in the family to set limits and protect their personal boundaries.” – Katelyn Moon, LMFTA
Quotes About Remedies for Narcissism
19. Narcissists Are Longing for Love
“People say that narcissists can never change, but that’s not true. While they seem impenetrable, it’s because they’re heavily defended against feelings of despair and shame. Deep down, they’re longing for the love, support and understanding they were denied as children. In therapy, a narcissist can be shown to be more than their achievements, and eventually come to accept their real and vulnerable selves.” – Daren Banarsë, MBACP
20. Intrinsic Motivation
“Narcissists don’t have the ability to feel secure and worthy without external validation and praise. Most of the time, narcissistic traits are an attempt to hide, defend, or deny these deep insecurities. Narcissism is also on the rise in America. Social media, consumerism, meritocracy, competitive drives, individualism, and identity politics are all examples of how our culture reinforces the self-involvement that drives NPD.
The remedies involve finding intrinsic sources of validation, detoxing from external and superficial forms of validation, and focusing more on developing and strengthening our higher selves (vs our egos). The higher self emerges when we prioritize our values over our goals, other people over ourselves, intentions over achievements, and principles over material things.” – Hailey Shafir, LCMHCS, LPCS, LCAS, CCS
21. Finding a Highly Trained Therapist
“While it is difficult for somebody with narcissistic personality disorder to change, it is certainly possible and happens regularly. Therapy is the most important piece of helping them to change their foundational base that makes up this fragile personality type. The biggest thing is when they start to demonstrate an ability to self-reflect on their own actions and accept the emotions that they are feeling. They need to find a therapist that they believe is an expert in insight oriented psychotherapy. Oftentimes this requires psychodynamic or psychoanalytic training then they need to find a safe place where they can truly explore the inner emotions and what may have caused that. Only then can they establish a foundation that they can build on and change from the fragile shell that is narcissistic personality disorder.” – Dr. Hans Watson D.O. at University Elite PLLC
When to See a Therapist About Narcissism
If you struggle with a narcissist in your life and want direction on how to maintain boundaries and recover your self-esteem, a therapist can help. They can help you better understand the situation and provide clarity on how their behavior affects you. When you’re ready, here’s where to look for therapists in your area.
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