51 Quotes About Narcissism From Actual Therapists

“Narcissists are like parasitic bugs that leech onto you and essentially suck the life out of you, then when you are no longer useful, they discard you. It’s called the narcissistic abuse cycle.”

“Narcissists often appear to be very confident, but a key feature of narcissism is low self-esteem. Narcissists display arrogance and exaggerate their achievements to hide this low self-esteem.”

“Despite their outward appearances, narcissists are extremely vulnerable. They can be somehow fragile as they experience profound alienation, emptiness, and a lack of meaning. Due to their extreme vulnerability, they crave power and must constantly control their environment, the people around them, and their emotions. Displays of vulnerable emotions, such as fear, shame, or sadness, are unacceptable indicators of weakness in both them and others. When they are most insecure, they are more malicious, and the consequences of their actions become unimportant.”

“In relationships, narcissists often begin by idealizing their partner. This is why many people wonder why they didn’t see the warning signs. They tend to attract individuals that are caretakers and have a deep sense of empathy for others. Once the ‘fantasy’ phase subsides, narcissists begin to devalue their partners. These manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviors often result in the partner feeling that they are at fault or are the ‘crazy one.

Eventually, narcissists may move on or discard their partner while keeping them hanging on by a thread. Some partners in a relationship with a narcissist find it difficult to move on because they long for the romanticized ‘adoration phase.”

“Narcissists often exhibit distinctive patterns of behavior that revolve around an excessive focus on themselves and a lack of empathy for others. They tend to display a grandiose sense of self-importance, believing they are uniquely special and deserving of admiration. They frequently seek constant attention and validation from others, often through self-promotion and boasting about their achievements, real or imagined. Narcissists can be manipulative, using charm to gain trust and exploit others for their own gain. They may have difficulty recognizing or acknowledging the emotions and needs of those around them, often dismissing or invalidating others’ feelings.”

“Narcissism is a cover for a very weak self-image. They often want attention in any form, good or bad. Although they love adoration, the worst pain for a narcissist is to not be noticed. They will say or do outrageous things to be noticed if they are feeling ignored.”

“Narcissism is a reflexive turning towards the self because your childhood experiences taught you that others would not provide for your needs. A narcissist doesn’t trust that others will be there for them so they have to be there for themselves. This doesn’t leave much room for anyone else.”

“Narcissism is a personality disorder that is characterized by having an excessive sense of self-importance, requires excessive admiration, has a very significant sense of entitlement, takes advantage of others to meet their own needs, and lacks empathy.

Someone who demonstrates narcissistic behaviors will operate in a way that is manipulative, but convincing. They are good at making themselves appear as the victim when issues with their behaviors are brought to their attention.”

“They will do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if that means hurting someone else’s feelings. Narcissists tend to enjoy other people’s pain or hurt. A narcissist can demonstrate limited amounts of remorse if the benefit of doing so outweighs the cost. If they think admitting to a mistake or taking accountability for something that was their fault is small in comparison to the potential positive return, they’ll do it. Real remorse is not likely however though because that would require some emotional awareness that narcissists do not possess.”

“Narcissists:

• Think of themselves first and foremost.
• Only wants to win.
• Do not care about your feelings.
• Are always manipulating for their own personal gain and benefit.
• Make you think that you are the problem.

Gaslighting is their stock and trade.”

“In relationships, narcissists may struggle with intimacy, as they prioritize their own needs and desires above all else. They tend to exploit and manipulate others to maintain their self-image and may engage in unhealthy power dynamics. Criticism or challenges to their self-esteem can provoke intense defensiveness or rage. It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, with some individuals displaying more extreme narcissistic traits than others. Recognizing these behaviors can be crucial for setting boundaries and seeking support when dealing with narcissistic individuals.”

“Family dynamics involving one or more members diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), have specific identifiable traits and patterns. When someone in a family has NPD they tend to dominate over the other members in the family unit. The family member who has NPD tends to engage in the manipulation of family members. There are different roles in a family unit that include NPD – one role being the enabler who protects the narcissist and enables the negative behaviors to continue.

Another role that may exist is the golden child who is deemed as the one who can do no wrong. If the narcissist is a mother or father, they may place high standards on the golden child to represent the family in a positive way ie: good grades, successful career, etc. The last common role is the narcissistic scapegoat who tends to get blamed for everything. The family tends to dump their problems on the scapegoat.”

“I tell adults I work with never to waste their time arguing with a narcissist. You cannot win with a narcissist. Their perspective is always theirs.”

“I teach clients how to use their “nardar” (a term coined by a client and meaning radar for narcissists) to spot them. It is based on how they feel when they are with certain people using these five questions:

• Do you regularly feel invisible and unheard when you’re around someone?
• Do you rarely get a word in edgewise and does someone always bring the conversation back to themselves?
• Do you feel someone is unnecessarily aggressively competitive with you?
• Do you feel surprised when someone feels slighted because you didn’t sufficiently recognize something they did (an achievement of theirs or a gesture on their part)?
• Do you regularly feel as if their needs are more important than yours?”

“Engaging and dealing with a narcissist can be challenging. It’s important to set firm boundaries and avoid getting entangled in power struggles or manipulative games. While it might be tempting to challenge or confront their behavior, this often leads to defensiveness. Instead, maintain a level-headed and assertive stance. Avoid excessive flattery but also sidestep confrontations that won’t yield productive outcomes. Remember, self-preservation and ensuring your own emotional well-being are paramount. If the relationship is causing significant distress, consider seeking guidance from a professional or support group.”

“The first step to avoiding a narcissist in your life is spotting them! Understand that there are two distinct types of narcissistic personalities to be on the lookout for: grandiose and vulnerable.

A grandiose narcissist acts like they are better than everyone else and are more of the ‘know it all.’ They also tend to lack empathy for others. You might spot this person in an argument where they are so firm on their point of view that they refuse to listen to anyone else. Their arguments often end with no resolution and you can sense their desire to prove the other side wrong no matter what. One idea to navigate this situation is to try to sneak in a solution in a way that makes it seem like ‘their idea.’

On the other hand, the vulnerable narcissist is going to try to pull energy and empathy from you to feed their emotional neediness. For example, you have plans with this person and you have to change them last minute… they are going to take it personally and make it all about what you did to them. This is a self-esteem problem and the best thing you can do here is stick to the facts in hopes they will eventually see your perspective.

When a narcissist of either type passes into your life, the best defense is a good offense. Be aware of who they are and be proactively alert for tricks they play so you do not fall into any of their traps!”

“As a therapist, I often work with women who have been involved with narcissistic partners. One recommendation that I recommend in dealing with their former partners (if it’s necessary to coparent with them or be involved with them in some way) is to be a ‘grey rock.’ This means to be ‘as dull as possible’ and not engage with them. Keep responses to them as short and brief as possible. Give them as little detailed responses as possible. “Don’t feed the bear” as I often tell my clients. Be concise.”

“It is crucial to recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Narcissists often project their insecurities onto others and may try to make you feel inferior. Remembering your self-worth can help protect yourself from their hurtful behavior. Seeking support from a therapist or a trusted friend or family member can also help deal with a narcissist. They can provide an outside perspective and offer emotional support during this challenging time.”

“Engage in therapy to learn how to create boundaries and maintain them. Family therapy can also be extremely beneficial for all members to explore the impact that NPD has had on individuals in the system as well as the entire family system. Maintaining emotional first aid or emotional self-care is extremely important, too. A therapist can also help you get comfortable with saying no. While it may not be easy at first, it is important for each person in the family to set limits and protect their personal boundaries.”

“People say that narcissists can never change, but that’s not true. While they seem impenetrable, it’s because they’re heavily defended against feelings of despair and shame. Deep down, they’re longing for the love, support and understanding they were denied as children. In therapy for narcissism, an individual can be shown to be more than their achievements, and eventually come to accept their real and vulnerable selves.”

“Narcissists don’t have the ability to feel secure and worthy without external validation and praise. Most of the time, narcissistic traits are an attempt to hide, defend, or deny these deep insecurities. Narcissism is also on the rise in America. Social media, consumerism, meritocracy, competitive drives, individualism, and identity politics are all examples of how our culture reinforces the self-involvement that drives NPD.

The remedies involve finding intrinsic sources of validation, detoxing from external and superficial forms of validation, and focusing more on developing and strengthening our higher selves (verses our egos). The higher self emerges when we prioritize our values over our goals, other people over ourselves, intentions over achievements, and principles over material things.”

“While it is difficult for somebody with narcissistic personality disorder to change, it is certainly possible and happens regularly. Therapy is the most important piece of helping them to change their foundational base that makes up this fragile personality type. The biggest thing is when they start to demonstrate an ability to self-reflect on their own actions and accept the emotions that they are feeling. They need to find a therapist that they believe is an expert in insight oriented psychotherapy. Oftentimes this requires psychodynamic or psychoanalytic training then they need to find a safe place where they can truly explore the inner emotions and what may have caused that. Only then can they establish a foundation that they can build on and change from the fragile shell that is narcissistic personality disorder.”

“Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation where the abuser seeks to control, belittle, and undermine the victim. Living with a narcissist is like riding an emotional rollercoaster, where the highs are thrilling but the lows are devastating. The unpredictability and emotional turmoil can leave you feeling dizzy and disoriented, making it hard to trust your feelings. The effects of this abuse can be profound, leading to issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Healing from such abuse requires a comprehensive approach that addresses both the immediate emotional wounds and the long-term psychological impact.”

“When it comes to narcissistic abuse, the healing journey is not linear. Narcissists can have a significant impact on the way you think and the way you view yourself, so in order to heal from that, you have to untangle and deprogram all the falsities they’ve ingrained in your mind. Some days will be easier than others.”

“Narcissists are good at making their spouses question their worth,  leading to significant emotional and psychological damage.It’s crucial to recognize the signs early and seek support. Narcissistic abuse is insidious, and victims often need professional help to rebuild their self-worth and regain their independence. Therapy can provide the necessary tools to understand the dynamics of the relationship and foster recovery.”

“Loving a narcissist often feels like pouring your heart into a bottomless pit, where no amount of love can ever be enough.In a relationship with a narcissist, you may find yourself constantly giving, while they keep taking, with no end in sight.”

“A narcissist’s love is like a mirage in the desert. It looks beautiful and promising from afar, but up close, it’s nothing but an illusion. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and damaging. Narcissists often prioritize their needs and desires above their partner’s, leading to an imbalance and a lack of mutual respect.”

“Love with a narcissist can feel one-sided, where your efforts to nurture the relationship are met with indifference or self-serving responses.”

“Being with a narcissist means walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid triggering their volatile temperament.”

“Narcissists exhibit parasitic behavior, latching onto their victims and draining their emotional energy. When the victim is no longer useful, narcissists discard them, leaving them feeling depleted and discarded. In a narcissistic relationship, the victim often feels constantly criticized and manipulated.”

“Being with a narcissist can erode your identity, as their constant need for admiration leaves little room for your own growth and self-expression.”

“Narcissists lie and manipulate to create a false reality where they admired, adored, and always the center of attention.  They will insist you join them in their reality, and will split on you when this is challenged.”

“A narcissist is the last person to take responsibility or accountability for their actions. When you are in a relationship with such a person, that responsibility and accountability gets unfairly deflected onto you, forcing you to carry a growing burden that shouldn’t be yours – and your narcissistic partner will only continue adding to that pile rather than alleviate any amount of the burden.”

“Narcissists often accuse others of their own bad behavior, such as lying and cheating, because they assume if they are doing it, you must be too; narcissists will use the same logic to justify their own bad behavior, by saying they were either “doing the same thing you were doing,” or you “made them do it,” even when none of the accusations are true.”

“A narcissist is skilled at making false promises, giving you just enough hope to keep you hanging on, but never truly delivering on their word.”

“A narcissist’s love is conditional and transactional, leaving you feeling empty and unworthy when their attention shifts.The allure of a narcissist is potent, but it’s important to remember that true love doesn’t thrive in the shadow of manipulation.”

“Many narcissists exhibit strong sadistic qualities, and often enjoy causing their friends and family pain; they do this because it makes them feel powerful and in control.  This is why you’ll see narcissists often smiling or smirking when they’re being cruel, because they are having fun hurting you.”

“Narcissists have a special skill for turning words around and using situations to their advantage. To prevent yourself from getting caught in their nets, it is crucial that you communicate with them in a clear and upfront manner. Steer clear of vague language or leaving room for them to twist your words. Be direct, brief, and stick to the facts when communicating. This will assist you in staying on top of the discussion and not allowing them to gaslight or manipulate you.”

“It may be tempting to correct or changing a narcissist, but it should be remembered that their conduct is based on deep-rooted patterns and cannot be controlled. The best way to deal with a narcissist is often to concentrate on your own well-being and boundaries.”

“When dealing with a narcissist, it’s crucial to stay grounded in reality. Narcissists may try to manipulate or distort facts to maintain control. Keeping a journal can help you keep track of events and your feelings, providing clarity and perspective.”

“Narcissists want to make you feel worthless to feed their own superiority complex. Combat this by deliberately doing things, surrounding yourself with people, and using self-talk that boosts your confidence and reminds you of your value.”

“People who have NPD usually think they are very important and might always be looking for attention, admiration, or compliments from others. It’s extremely important to not give in to their ego by constantly providing validation or showering them with attention as this will just encourage their narcissistic behavior, making it harder to handle them.”

“One significant thing to remember is that the way a narcissist acts doesn’t reflect who you are. Everything they do or say comes from their own feelings of insecurity and desire for validation, not because of anything about yourself so it’s crucial not to take what they do personally.”

“When the narcissist flies off the handle or makes outrageous demands, validate how they’re feeling without agreeing with the unacceptable behavior. For example: “I get that you’re frustrated, but I won’t put up with being disrespected like that.” This shows empathy while still upholding your standards.”

“Remember that their coping skills are often as underdeveloped as a child’s. If they have a strong negative reaction to your boundary, it’s the emotional equivalent of a child throwing a tantrum. Even if they are hurling insults and guilt-tripping you, their reaction is about their inability to regulate themselves, and less about any aspect of you.”

“Taking care of your own mental health is vital. Engage in activities such as meditation, physical exercise, or hobbies that help relieve stress and promote wellness. By taking care of yourself, you build the strength and resilience needed to handle difficult interactions.”

“In cases of outright abuse or where your boundaries are constantly being crossed, there may come a time to remove yourself from that situation altogether. Having a therapist can help you weigh whether that difficult step of breaking up with a narcissist is necessary.”

“Coping with narcissism requires setting firm boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist can provide essential validation and guidance.”

“Narcissists will often try to “bait” you into doing what they want by guilt-tripping, bullying, and manipulating. Don’t take the bait! Name the behavior, set a firm boundary, and try and leave the encounter: ‘Using guilt will not change my mind about coming to visit you this weekend. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sometimes it would be good to distance oneself or limit the contact between you and the narcissist if their actions become excessively toxic or unpredictable. This will assist to safeguard your emotional state of mind and maintain the relationship in the long run. Because coping with these personalities could be emotionally exhausting, always make self-care a priority and find someone safe like therapist to talk your concerns to for mental health wellbeing.”

“While it’s important to protect yourself, understanding that narcissism stems from deep-seated insecurities can help you approach the situation with empathy. This doesn’t excuse harmful behavior but acknowledges the underlying pain that may drive it.”