Dealing With Racial Stress as a Black Parent

Racial Stress & Concerns Faced by Black Parents

Black people are two times more likely to be killed by police than white Americans, particularly Black males. Some of these incidents are captured on social media or camera footage. With easy accessibility to these horrific incidents, at times replayed at an inordinate rate, these repeated exposures heighten the stress of Black parents and their children.

Black parents’ concerns for their children (and themselves) include:³

• Racial profiling
• Hyper-aggressive policing
• Detainment
• Public humiliation
• Imprisonment
• Death

These discriminatory, racist practices affect the mental health of Black parents, which in turn influence parental behaviors and practices, negatively impacting health outcomes in their children.

How Racial Stress Impacts Parenting

The impacts of racial stress have far reaching effects psychologically and emotionally. According to research, poor maternal mental health and adverse child outcomes have been linked. Based on this evidence, further studies have noted that there is a definite association between racial discrimination and poor maternal mental health, especially following a mother’s experience of racial discrimination directly or vicariously; and by living in neighborhoods where racist incidents are common.

Mothers experiencing area-level or neighborhood discrimination experience high levels of stress, subsequently creating negative mental states and potentially passing on intergenerational trauma.³ This impacts the quality of the parent-child relationship resulting in negative or harsh parenting practices, including hypervigilance and anxiety, difficulty regulating their own emotions, and imposter syndrome.⁴

Hypervigilance (Being Overly Alert)

Having experienced racial stress directly or indirectly can cause one to become more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences. This causes difficulty in the way parents relate to their children. For some parents, rather than being flexible or having a calm response to their children, they are often more reflexive and tend to have hyper-aroused or “amped-up” emotions, which can take over their interactions.⁴

Helicopter Parenting (Monitoring Out of Fear)

Ongoing police brutality, destructive public policies, and pernicious narratives and mindsets perpetuate racial discrimination without justice. This drives black parents to monitor their children excessively (called helicopter parenting), sometimes almost eliminating the natural exploration of the process needed for a child’s normal development.⁴

Impostor Syndrome (Invalidating Self & Experiences)

Repeated exposure to racism over time can result in someone doubting themselves in terms of their experiences, their achievements, or their accomplishments (e.g. “I am here in this position because of affirmative action”).

Other aspects of this include when one might question whether they belong in a particular setting or culture. Parents with this kind of imposter syndrome are affected in the way they discuss racism with their children, subsequently shaping the psychological and cultural views their children develop.⁴

Difficulty Regulating Emotions (Lashing Out)

A parent being unaware of their emotional responses can be detrimental to a child’s development, especially when they face difficulties or their own trauma. When your past experiences influence your emotional state, it can impact your emotional regulation during your child’s minor or major situation. For example, a teacher calls you about a detention regarding a “nebulous” infraction committed by your son. There is no rhyme or reason for the detention. Not being aware of your emotional state can potentially lead to being overprotective, an over-use of physical discipline, or being overly critical. These are unhealthy ways of coping or “holding it together.”

It’s very important that parents be able to remain centered and grounded, not reactive, when children are upset, frightened, or perhaps misbehaving. This perspective is essential, particularly when there is need for discipline. Parents who are not able to control their emotions tend to go overboard while disciplining and are not capable of providing a safe space to talk and listen to their child. Again, this leads to negative outcomes on their child’s development.⁵

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health as a Black Parent

Racial trauma as a phenomenon has been overlooked for quite some time. The impacts are pervasive and have life-long effects. The APA has recently included racial trauma as a diagnostic code in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), under the umbrella of PTSD. This acknowledgement and designation has opened up possibilities for BIPOC to receive mental health support to remedy emotional and psychological harm caused by racism.

Here are some potential tools to use when supporting your child’s mental health as a Black parent:

Protective Parenting

Parents can help shield babies and children from the impacts of toxic stress by practicing protective parenting. Being responsive, nurturing, supportive, and protective can help children be resilient in the face of adversity through the power of the parent-child relationship. Programs like the ChildFIRST Initiative and Child Parent Psychotherapy (CPP) can aid families in increasing parenting capacity and skills, as well as child coping strategies to mitigate stress.⁶

Helping Your Children Use Emotion Language

Using emotion language, identifying and discussing feelings, helps calm the nervous system. When parents model emotion language and practice it with their children, they can increase their self-awareness and ability to communicate their feelings safely and effectively. Sharing emotions with their parents can help to mitigate the effects of stress in children, and equips them with valuable skills for the future.⁷

Engaging in Mindfulness Practices With Your Children

Engaging the child’s relaxation response through stress-management techniques is another strategy parents can use to support their children. Deep breathing techniques, guided imagery, and biofeedback are tools families can practice together to calm the nervous system. Mindfulness-based stress reduction is a comprehensive mindfulness treatment program that can be beneficial, when available.⁷

Nurturing Your Children’s Support System

Building the child’s support system is key in buffering the effects of toxic stress. Community programs, like Head Start, have been shown to be instrumental in supporting families living with toxic stress.⁸ Investing in a child’s positive relationships, whether they be healthy peer groups, grandparents, teachers, or mentors, can provide further protection from the impacts of stress.

Racial Socialization

Teaching racial socialization is a deliberate way Black parents can prepare their children to survive and thrive in a racially charged society. The focus here is for parents to help their children buffer the harm stemming from racial exposures. Parents are encouraged to focus on the quality of the message more than the content. Instead of fear-based promotion, instill narratives around identity and guidance on how to respond in situations.

Attempting to navigate this can be difficult for any parent. The support of community action groups or joining a support group facilitated by a culturally competent therapist can help you approach these talking points with your children.

A couple of key aspects of racial socialization include:

• Cultural Socializations: Teaching children about race, cultural heritage, and pride
• Preparations: Teaching children about discrimination they may encounter and guidance on how to manage or respond

When to Get Professional Help for Dealing With Racial Stress

The effects of racial trauma are insidious and harmful. Trauma can be disruptive to one’s daily functioning, be it in family, social, or occupational settings. Symptoms of depression, mood swings, hypervigilance, and the like creep in diminishing one’s quality of life. Internalizing racial trauma can bring about a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness. This is the time to reach out for help. Mental health professionals who understand these issues can help to address your concerns. Many Black parents will feel most comfortable finding a Black therapist to work with.

How Culturally Competent Therapy Can Help With Racial Stress

Given the deleterious effects of racial trauma and the impacts on parenting relationships, the first line of defense for Black parents seeking to support their children’s mental health is to first attend to their own.

The support of a therapist can help with the following:

Dynamic Skills

Parents need to become more skillful at handling interactions surrounding racism and other cultural stressors. These interactions need to include the use of inquiries and questions about what their child observed, understood, or felt regarding racial experiences directly or indirectly. Developing effective communication skills teaches parents how to talk and listen to their children. A therapist can assist by helping the parent see the disconnect in the dynamics of the communication and provide helpful feedback.

Confidence

Role-playing or practicing how to talk to your child about race will increase confidence and know-how when navigating discussions regarding race and racism with your children. Practicing in the mirror like preparing for an interview, or practicing with a close relative, can help to alleviate the stress that comes with just the thought of having the conversation. Your therapist is also a great resource as they can help you role-play and practice these talking and listening skills.

Stress Management

Being mindful of your emotions and the way you approach conversations with your children requires giving thought to it in advance. This allows you to focus on what you can control. In this way, you are teaching your child that while you cannot control the police department or justice system, you can help them navigate what they are facing at that moment. This helps you to regulate your emotions, as well as those of your child. The support of a therapist can help parents learn healthy ways of coping and tools to practice the habit of mindfulness and other stress-management techniques.

Self-care

In order to be the best to their children, Black parents are encouraged to create a safe space for themselves. Children can have a change in environment and parents have the freedom and time to themselves to recover.

How to Find a Therapist

Finding a therapist that is right for you does not need to be daunting. You can ask your primary care provider for a referral, or use an online therapist directory where you can sort by insurance coverage and experience. The course of treatment will vary for each individual; however, standard duration ranges from four to six months with follow-up maintenance sessions once the initial treatment schedule is complete.

The cost per therapy session can vary, but a general range is from $100-$300 privately. Keep in mind there are therapists who accept various insurances for those who would prefer to use their insurance, and many who offer sliding scale rates.