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Newsletter

  • Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
    • ADHD
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Depression
    • Grief
    • OCD
    • Personality Disorders
    • PTSD
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Sex & Intimacy
    • Infidelity
    • Relationships 101
  • Wellness
    • Anger
    • Burnout
    • Stress
    • Sleep
    • Meditation
    • Mindfulness
    • Yoga
  • Therapy
    • Starting Therapy
    • Types of Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy Services
    • Online Couples Therapy
    • Online Therapy for Teens
  • Medication
    • Anxiety Medication
    • Depression Medication
    • ADHD Medication
    • Best Online Psychiatrist Options
  • My Mental Health
    • Men
    • Women
    • BIPOC
    • LGBTQIA+
    • Parents
    • Teens
  • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • About Us
    • Find a Local Therapist
    • Join Our Free Directory
  • Toxic Stress & RacismToxic Stress & Racism
  • Racial Stress & ParentingRacial Stress & Parenting
  • Impacts of Racial StressImpacts of Racial Stress
  • Support Your ChildSupport Your Child
  • When to Get HelpWhen to Get Help
  • How Therapy HelpsHow Therapy Helps
  • Find a TherapistFind a Therapist
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • ResourcesResources
  • InfographicsInfographics

Dealing With Racial Stress as a Black Parent

Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW

Written by: Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW

Meera Patel, DO

Reviewed by: Meera Patel, DO

Published: October 13, 2023

The stress Black parents feel encompasses a sense of hopelessness and confusion about knowing how to protect their children and prepare them to function and protect themselves. Given the health risks associated with racial trauma, seeking mental health support, whether individual therapy or group therapy, can be one of the keys to processing trauma and buffering stress as a Black parent.

The internalization of persistent racial trauma results in severe stress—a precursor for psychological and emotional destabilization affecting many areas of life.

What Is Toxic Stress & How Is It Connected to Racism?

While some measure of stress in life is normal and experienced by everyone, toxic stress goes beyond what is referred to as “tolerable stress,” and has lasting, damaging effects. When stressful events are severely frightening or threatening, and when they occur frequently or are sustained, stress becomes toxic. While protective factors help people under tolerable stress conditions manage stress in a healthy, productive way, people experiencing severe, persistent toxic stress, such as due to racism, discrimination, and other inequalities, often succumb to a decrease in their functioning and performance.1 Toxic parental stress has also shown to increase health risks in African American parents and grandparents.2

Parenting is stressful and challenging!

Get support. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Take a Free Online Assessment and get matched with the right therapist for you.

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Racial Stress & Concerns Faced by Black Parents

Black people are two times more likely to be killed by police than white Americans, particularly Black males. Some of these incidents are captured on social media or camera footage. With easy accessibility to these horrific incidents, at times replayed at an inordinate rate, these repeated exposures heighten the stress of Black parents and their children.

Black parents’ concerns for their children (and themselves) include:3

  • Racial profiling
  • Hyper-aggressive policing
  • Detainment
  • Public humiliation
  • Imprisonment
  • Death

These discriminatory, racist practices affect the mental health of Black parents, which in turn influence parental behaviors and practices, negatively impacting health outcomes in their children.

How Racial Stress Impacts Parenting

The impacts of racial stress have far reaching effects psychologically and emotionally. According to research, poor maternal mental health and adverse child outcomes have been linked. Based on this evidence, further studies have noted that there is a definite association between racial discrimination and poor maternal mental health, especially following a mother’s experience of racial discrimination directly or vicariously; and by living in neighborhoods where racist incidents are common.

Mothers experiencing area-level or neighborhood discrimination experience high levels of stress, subsequently creating negative mental states and potentially passing on intergenerational trauma.3 This impacts the quality of the parent-child relationship resulting in negative or harsh parenting practices, including hypervigilance and anxiety, difficulty regulating their own emotions, and imposter syndrome.4

Hypervigilance (Being Overly Alert)

Having experienced racial stress directly or indirectly can cause one to become more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences. This causes difficulty in the way parents relate to their children. For some parents, rather than being flexible or having a calm response to their children, they are often more reflexive and tend to have hyper-aroused or “amped-up” emotions, which can take over their interactions.4

Helicopter Parenting (Monitoring Out of Fear)

Ongoing police brutality, destructive public policies, and pernicious narratives and mindsets perpetuate racial discrimination without justice. This drives black parents to monitor their children excessively (called helicopter parenting), sometimes almost eliminating the natural exploration of the process needed for a child’s normal development.4

Impostor Syndrome (Invalidating Self & Experiences)

Repeated exposure to racism over time can result in someone doubting themselves in terms of their experiences, their achievements, or their accomplishments (e.g. “I am here in this position because of affirmative action”).

Other aspects of this include when one might question whether they belong in a particular setting or culture. Parents with this kind of imposter syndrome are affected in the way they discuss racism with their children, subsequently shaping the psychological and cultural views their children develop.4

Difficulty Regulating Emotions (Lashing Out)

A parent being unaware of their emotional responses can be detrimental to a child’s development, especially when they face difficulties or their own trauma. When your past experiences influence your emotional state, it can impact your emotional regulation during your child’s minor or major situation. For example, a teacher calls you about a detention regarding a “nebulous” infraction committed by your son. There is no rhyme or reason for the detention. Not being aware of your emotional state can potentially lead to being overprotective, an over-use of physical discipline, or being overly critical. These are unhealthy ways of coping or “holding it together.”

It’s very important that parents be able to remain centered and grounded, not reactive, when children are upset, frightened, or perhaps misbehaving. This perspective is essential, particularly when there is need for discipline. Parents who are not able to control their emotions tend to go overboard while disciplining and are not capable of providing a safe space to talk and listen to their child. Again, this leads to negative outcomes on their child’s development.5

Help For Parents

Neuropsychological Testing For Children (including evaluations for Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Learning Disorders) Get answers in weeks, not months. Bend Health provides a complete report with in-depth findings, reviews with your schools, and a clinical diagnosis (if applicable). Learn more


Online Therapy & Coaching (ages 1 -17) Bend Health is a virtual mental healthcare provider caring for kids, teens, and their families. Many insurance plans are accepted. Learn More


Worried your child might have an eating disorder? It can be overwhelming when your child is showing eating disorder red flags, but you can help. In fact, your help may be critical to getting them the right treatment. Learn more about the signs of eating disorders and what to do if you’re concerned. Explore Equip’s free guide.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Equip and Bend Health.

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health as a Black Parent

Racial trauma as a phenomenon has been overlooked for quite some time. The impacts are pervasive and have life-long effects. The APA has recently included racial trauma as a diagnostic code in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), under the umbrella of PTSD. This acknowledgement and designation has opened up possibilities for BIPOC to receive mental health support to remedy emotional and psychological harm caused by racism.

Here are some potential tools to use when supporting your child’s mental health as a Black parent:

Protective Parenting

Parents can help shield babies and children from the impacts of toxic stress by practicing protective parenting. Being responsive, nurturing, supportive, and protective can help children be resilient in the face of adversity through the power of the parent-child relationship. Programs like the ChildFIRST Initiative and Child Parent Psychotherapy (CPP) can aid families in increasing parenting capacity and skills, as well as child coping strategies to mitigate stress.6

Helping Your Children Use Emotion Language

Using emotion language, identifying and discussing feelings, helps calm the nervous system. When parents model emotion language and practice it with their children, they can increase their self-awareness and ability to communicate their feelings safely and effectively. Sharing emotions with their parents can help to mitigate the effects of stress in children, and equips them with valuable skills for the future.7

Engaging in Mindfulness Practices With Your Children

Engaging the child’s relaxation response through stress-management techniques is another strategy parents can use to support their children. Deep breathing techniques, guided imagery, and biofeedback are tools families can practice together to calm the nervous system. Mindfulness-based stress reduction is a comprehensive mindfulness treatment program that can be beneficial, when available.7

Nurturing Your Children’s Support System

Building the child’s support system is key in buffering the effects of toxic stress. Community programs, like Head Start, have been shown to be instrumental in supporting families living with toxic stress.8 Investing in a child’s positive relationships, whether they be healthy peer groups, grandparents, teachers, or mentors, can provide further protection from the impacts of stress.

Racial Socialization

Teaching racial socialization is a deliberate way Black parents can prepare their children to survive and thrive in a racially charged society. The focus here is for parents to help their children buffer the harm stemming from racial exposures. Parents are encouraged to focus on the quality of the message more than the content. Instead of fear-based promotion, instill narratives around identity and guidance on how to respond in situations.

Attempting to navigate this can be difficult for any parent. The support of community action groups or joining a support group facilitated by a culturally competent therapist can help you approach these talking points with your children.

A couple of key aspects of racial socialization include:

  • Cultural Socializations: Teaching children about race, cultural heritage, and pride
  • Preparations: Teaching children about discrimination they may encounter and guidance on how to manage or respond

When to Get Professional Help for Dealing With Racial Stress

The effects of racial trauma are insidious and harmful. Trauma can be disruptive to one’s daily functioning, be it in family, social, or occupational settings. Symptoms of depression, mood swings, hypervigilance, and the like creep in diminishing one’s quality of life. Internalizing racial trauma can bring about a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness. This is the time to reach out for help. Mental health professionals who understand these issues can help to address your concerns. Many Black parents will feel most comfortable finding a Black therapist to work with.

How Culturally Competent Therapy Can Help With Racial Stress

Given the deleterious effects of racial trauma and the impacts on parenting relationships, the first line of defense for Black parents seeking to support their children’s mental health is to first attend to their own.

The support of a therapist can help with the following:

Dynamic Skills

Parents need to become more skillful at handling interactions surrounding racism and other cultural stressors. These interactions need to include the use of inquiries and questions about what their child observed, understood, or felt regarding racial experiences directly or indirectly. Developing effective communication skills teaches parents how to talk and listen to their children. A therapist can assist by helping the parent see the disconnect in the dynamics of the communication and provide helpful feedback.

Confidence

Role-playing or practicing how to talk to your child about race will increase confidence and know-how when navigating discussions regarding race and racism with your children. Practicing in the mirror like preparing for an interview, or practicing with a close relative, can help to alleviate the stress that comes with just the thought of having the conversation. Your therapist is also a great resource as they can help you role-play and practice these talking and listening skills.

Stress Management

Being mindful of your emotions and the way you approach conversations with your children requires giving thought to it in advance. This allows you to focus on what you can control. In this way, you are teaching your child that while you cannot control the police department or justice system, you can help them navigate what they are facing at that moment. This helps you to regulate your emotions, as well as those of your child. The support of a therapist can help parents learn healthy ways of coping and tools to practice the habit of mindfulness and other stress-management techniques.

Self-care

In order to be the best to their children, Black parents are encouraged to create a safe space for themselves. Children can have a change in environment and parents have the freedom and time to themselves to recover.

How to Find a Therapist

Finding a therapist that is right for you does not need to be daunting. You can ask your primary care provider for a referral, or use an online therapist directory where you can sort by insurance coverage and experience. The course of treatment will vary for each individual; however, standard duration ranges from four to six months with follow-up maintenance sessions once the initial treatment schedule is complete.

The cost per therapy session can vary, but a general range is from $100-$300 privately. Keep in mind there are therapists who accept various insurances for those who would prefer to use their insurance, and many who offer sliding scale rates.

Final Thoughts on Dealing With Racial Stress as a Black Parent

Dealing with racial stressors can be debilitating. Know that you are not alone; there is a supportive community waiting to come alongside you. Whether you decide to talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member, sharing your feelings and stressors with someone can make a big difference in how you feel.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Neurological Testing

Neuropsychological Testing For Children (including evaluations for Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Learning Disorders). Get answers in weeks, not months. Bend Health provides a complete report with in-depth findings, reviews with your school, and a clinical diagnosis (if applicable). Learn More

Online Therapy & Coaching (ages 1 -17)

Bend Health – is a virtual mental healthcare provider caring for kids, teens, and their families. Many insurance plans are accepted. Learn More

OCD and Children

NOCD – What are the signs of OCD in children? OCD involves unwanted intrusive thoughts, images, or urges (obsessions) that create anxiety, which the child attempts to relieve by performing rituals (compulsions). These rituals can be overt and noticeable (e.g. handwashing, counting, avoiding objects, rearranging materials, etc.) or can be less noticeable or mental (e.g. silently analyzing, reiterating phrases, counting, etc.). To find out if your child has OCD and treatment options, schedule a free 15 minute call with NOCD.

Online Therapy (For Parents)

BetterHelp – Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Eating Disorders and Children

Equip – Worried your child might have an eating disorder? It can be overwhelming when your child is showing eating disorder red flags, but you can help. In fact, your help may be critical to getting them the right treatment. Learn more about the signs of eating disorders and what to do if you’re concerned. Explore Equip’s free guide

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp, Equip, NOCD, and Bend Health.

Dealing With Racial Stress as a Black Parent Infographics

How Racial Stress Impacts Parenting How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health as a Black Parent When to Get Professional Help for Dealing With Racial Stress

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This content is sponsored By NOCD.

Sources Update History

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Burke, Nadine J., Julia L. Hellman, Brandon G. Scott, Carl F. Weems, and Victor G. Carrion. 2011. “The Impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on an Urban Pediatric Population.” Child Abuse & Neglect 35, no. 6: 408–413.

  • Taylor, J. Y., Washington, O. G., Artinian, N. T., & Lichtenberg, P. (2007). Parental stress among African American parents and grandparents. Issues in mental health nursing, 28(4), 373–387. https://doi.org/10.1080/01612840701244466

  • Laia Bécares, James Nazroo, Yvonne Kelly. A longitudinal examination of maternal, family, and area-level experiences of racism on children’s socioemotional development: Patterns and possible explanations. Social Science & Medicine, Volume 142, 2015, Pages 128-135. ISSN 0277-9536, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2015.08.025.

  • Racial Stress and Self-care: Parent Tip Tool. (October 2019). American Psychological Association. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/res/parent-resources/racial-stress

  • Why Parents Should Listen To Their Children. (May 2021). New Beginning Healing Institute. Retrieved from: http://nbhi-llc.org/why-parents-should-listen-to-their-children/

  • Hillis, Susan D., Robert F. Anda, Shanta R. Dube, Vincent J. Felitti, Polly A. Marchbanks, Maurizio Macaluso, and James S. Marks. 2010. “The Protective Effect of Family Strengths in Childhood Against Adolescent Pregnancy and Its Long-Term Psychosocial Consequences.” Permanente Journal 14, no. 3: 18–27. https://doi.org/10.7812/TPP/10-028

  • Franke H. A. (2014). Toxic Stress: Effects, Prevention and Treatment. Children (Basel, Switzerland), 1(3), 390–402. https://doi.org/10.3390/children1030390

  • Gerwin C. Innovating in Early Head Start: Can Reducing Toxic Stress Improve Outcomes for Young Children? [(accessed 2 May 2014)]. Available online: http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/stories_from_the_field/tackling_toxic_stress/innovating_in_early_head_start/

  • Uncovering the Trauma of Racism. (February 2019). American Psychological Association. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/spotlight/issue-128

Show more

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

October 13, 2023
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Updated for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources. Added “What Is Toxic Stress & How Is It Connected to Racism?”, “How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health as a Black Parent”. New material written by Heather Artushin, LISW-CP and reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD.
June 4, 2021
Author: Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW
Reviewer: Meera Patel, DO
Show more

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  • Toxic Stress & RacismToxic Stress & Racism
  • Racial Stress & ParentingRacial Stress & Parenting
  • Impacts of Racial StressImpacts of Racial Stress
  • Support Your ChildSupport Your Child
  • When to Get HelpWhen to Get Help
  • How Therapy HelpsHow Therapy Helps
  • Find a TherapistFind a Therapist
  • ConclusionConclusion
  • ResourcesResources
  • InfographicsInfographics
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