The stress Black parents feel encompasses a sense of hopelessness and confusion about knowing how to protect their children or knowing how to prepare their children to function and protect themselves. Given the health risks associated with racial trauma, it is recommended that seeking mental health support, whether individual therapy or group therapy, is one of the keys to processing trauma and buffering stress as a Black parent.
While breathing his last breath, George Floyd uttered, “momma!” Feelings of disbelief, horror, and shock are only a few of the overwhelming emotions that BIPOC felt having witnessed this incident between police and a Black person—one that has become commonplace. These are some of the interactions Black Indigenous People of Colour have had to endure in the face of racism and racial injustice in America.
To see repeated encounters with police officers turn into maltreatment or murder, without justice or appropriate recourse, continues to reinforce a message of complete disregard for the lives of Black people. This is racial trauma. The internalization of this persistent message results in stress—a precursor for psychological and emotional destabilization affecting many areas of life.
Racial Stress & Concerns Faced by Black Parents
Black people are two times more likely to be killed by police than white Americans, particularly Black males. It is said that approximately 1,300 Black people have been killed by police in the last five years. Some of these incidents are captured on social media or camera footage. With easy accessibility to these horrific incidents, at times replayed at an inordinate rate, these repeated exposures heighten the stress of Black parents and their children.
These experiences of racial stress are severely frightening and threatening, which is said to be “toxic” stress. Toxic stress can negatively impact children’s behaviour, cognitive ability, and emotional and physical well-being.1
The concerns Black parents have today are no different than those of the parents of the “Central Park 5,” five innocent Black and Latino boys convicted of sexual assault in 1989. These concerns include:
- Racial profiling
- Hyper-aggressive policing
- Detainment
- Public humiliation
- Imprisonment
- Death
These discriminatory practices and cultural stressors affect the mental health of Black parents, which in turn affect parental behaviors and practices, negatively impacting health outcomes in their children.
How Racial Stress Impacts Parenting
The impacts of racial stress have far reaching effects psychologically and emotionally. According to research, poor maternal mental health and adverse child outcomes have been linked. Based on this evidence, further studies have noted that there is a definite association between racial discrimination and poor maternal mental health, especially following a mother’s experience of racial discrimination directly or vicariously; and by living in neighborhoods where racist incidents are common.
Mothers experiencing area-level or neighborhood discrimination experience high levels of stress, subsequently creating negative mental states.1 This impacts the quality of the parent-child relationship resulting in negative or harsh parenting practices, including:2
Hypervigilance (Being Overly Alert)
Having experienced racial stress directly or indirectly can cause one to become more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences. This causes difficulty in the way parents relate to their children. For some parents, rather than being flexible or having a calm response to their children, they are often more reflexive and tend to have hyper-aroused or “amped-up” emotions which takes over the interaction.
Helicopter Parenting (Monitoring Out of Fear)
Ongoing police brutality, destructive public policies, and pernicious narrative and mindset perpetuate racial discrimination without justice. This drives black parents to monitor their children excessively, sometimes almost eliminating the natural exploration of the process needed for a child’s normal development.
Impostor Syndrome (Invalidating Self & Experiences)
Repeated exposure to racism over time can result in someone doubting themselves in terms of their experiences, their achievements, or their accomplishments (e.g. “I am here in this position because of affirmative action”).
Other aspects of this include when one might question whether they belong in a particular setting or culture. Parents with this kind of ambivalence about their identity are affected in the way they discuss racism with their children, subsequently shaping the psychological and cultural views their children develop.
Difficulty Regulating Emotions (Lashing Out)
A parent being unaware of their emotional responses can be detrimental to a child’s development, especially when they face difficulties or their own trauma. When your past experiences influence your emotional state, it can impact your emotional response to your child’s minor or major situation. For example, a teacher calls you about a detention regarding a “nebulous” infraction committed by your son. There is no rhyme or reason for the detention. Not being aware of your emotional state can potentially lead to being overprotective, an over-use of physical discipline, or being overly critical. These are unhealthy ways of coping or “holding it together.”
It’s very important that parents be able to remain centered and grounded, not reactive, when children are upset, frightened, or perhaps misbehaving. This perspective is essential, particularly when there is need for discipline. Parents who are not able to control their emotions tend to go overboard while disciplining and are not capable of providing a safe space to talk and listen to their child. Again, this leads to negative outcomes on their child’s development.3
How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health
Racial trauma as a phenomenon has been overlooked for quite some time. The impacts are pervasive and have life-long effects. The APA has recently included racial trauma as a diagnostic code in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), under the umbrella of PTSD. This acknowledgement and designation has opened up possibilities for BIPOC to receive mental health support to remedy emotional and psychological harm caused by racism. This validation provides a unique opening for Black parents to seek mental health treatment from themselves and their children.
Equally important is the understanding of racial trauma and the need for Black parents to find therapists or mental health professionals who understand these cultural concerns.
Given the deleterious effects of racial trauma and the impacts on parenting relationships, the first line of defence for Black parents seeking to support their children’s mental health is to first attend to their own.
The support of a therapist can help with the following:
Dynamic Skills
Parents need to become more skillful at handling interactions surrounding racism and other cultural stressors. These interactions need to include the use of inquiries and questions about what their child observed, understood, or felt regarding racial experiences directly or indirectly. Developing effective communication skills teaches parents how to talk and listen to their children. A therapist can assist by helping the parent see the disconnect in the dynamics of the communication and provide helpful feedback.
Confidence
Role playing or practicing how to talk to your child about race will increase confidence and know-how when navigating discussions regarding race and racism with your children. Practicing in the mirror like preparing for an interview, or practicing with a close relative, can help to alleviate the stress that comes with just the thought of having the conversation. Your therapist is also a great resource as he or she can help you role play and practice these talking and listening skills.
Stress Management
Being mindful of your emotions and way you approach conversations with your children requires giving thought to it in advance. This allows you to focus on what you can control. In this way, you are teaching your child that while you cannot control the police department or justice system, you can help them navigate what they are facing in that moment. This helps you to regulate your emotions, as well as those of your child. The support of a therapist can help parents learn healthy ways of coping and tools to practice the habit of mindfulness and other stress-management techniques.
Self-care
In order to be the best to their children, Black parents are encouraged to create a safe space for themselves. Given the situation with the pandemic, there have been constraints on this possibility; however, with communities reopening, parents can create small clusters of family or friends with whom their children can spend time. This way, children have a change in environment and parents have the freedom and time to themselves to recover.
Racial Socialization
Teaching racial socialization is a deliberate way Black parents can prepare their children to survive and thrive in a racially charged society. The focus here is for parents to help their children buffer the harm stemming from racial exposures. Parents are encouraged to focus on the quality of the message more than the content. Instead of fear-based promotion, instill narratives around identity and guidance on how to respond in situations.
Attempting to navigate this can be difficult for any parent. The support of community action groups or joining a support group facilitated by a culturally competent therapist can help you approach these talking points with your children.
A couple of key aspects of racial socialization include:
- Cultural Socializations: Teaching children about race, culture heritage, and pride
- Preparations: Teaching children about discrimination they may encounter and guidance on how to manage or respond
When to Get Professional Help for Dealing With Racial Stress
The effects of racial trauma are insidious and harmful. Trauma can be disruptive to one’s daily functioning, be it in family, social, or occupational settings. Symptoms of depression, mood swings, hypervigilance, and the like creep in diminishing one’s quality of life. Internalizing racial trauma can bring about a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness. This is the time to reach out for help. Mental health professionals who understand these issues can help to address your concerns.
How to Find a Therapist
Finding a therapist that is right for you does not need to be daunting. There are different directories available such as Choosing Therapy. The course of treatment will vary for each individual; however, standard duration ranges from four to six months with follow-up maintenance sessions once the initial treatment schedule is complete.
The cost per session can vary as well. However, a general cost range is from $100-$300 privately. Keep in mind there are therapists who accept various insurances for those who would prefer to use their insurance.
Final Thoughts on Dealing With Racial Stress as a Black Parent
Dealing with racial stressors can be debilitating. Know that you are not alone; there is a supportive community waiting to come alongside you. Whether you decide to talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member, sharing your feelings and stressors with someone can make a big difference in how you feel.
Additional Resources
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
